today, my cousin said something about my grandmother wanting to give away my basset hound Tender and her kid. mainly because they do not bark (at strangers). and they feel that they’re too high maintenance (we have 2 other dogs here, not really ours =o=;; but left for safekeeping)
today somehow i also considered selling them off, as Tender had papers and all. though i do need money…
but even more than having money and my bit of frustration that a watchdog is instead wanted, is the desire for her to have a good home.
i honestly feel terrible about it.
basset hounds are really sweet and friendly, to the point that they’ll just randomly jump you their full weight when you’re crouched while doing laundry, and lick you with good measure too. and their weight and saliva is really… undescribable XD;;. like, being the thin stick i am i do get towed around by Tender at those few times i give her walks, specially when she’s in her usual curious mood (and my weight certainly has no match to her >.<;;;), and obedient. and she’s so well behaved when i give her a bath too (like she raises her leg for me when i have to clean her underside^^).
…somehow despite that it seems our hearts couldn’t meet that much though? (maybe it’s the saliva thing ahaha) i somehow blame myself for feeling this way…
i think it was to the point i haven’t been able to give much care and lots of love that is supposed to be given to someone of her breed. somehow the rest of the family is still scared by Tender too (again, maybe it’s the saliva and the randomly jumping thing when it’s her natural manner and what you’d actually love in a dog…)
sometimes, oftentimes, because i’m not around enough, at those few times that i look at her it somehow feels she’s looking back at me with too much sadness. or she’s just lying there too much. though she would acknowledge if i’m near, the intelligent sensitive dog she is. sometimes her eyes are even red. at those times, i really want to cry. like now.
my love, mostly because i’m the only one i think?, and because i’m not around often, is just not enough.
i really feel terrible.
it’s no secret i actually want a Siberian Husky. and i think i’m more of a cat person =o=;; (for them being quite independent). but then Tender, for all the times she’d been here, i can’t let go and i don’t want to let go.
but then i know deep in my heart she would be better taken care of by someone else, loved by someone else. and i know she would be better somewhere else. i know i have to let go.
…i really fail at being a friend （苦笑）.
i haven’t made a decision yet, though it’s more of leaning towards letting her go right now, and i already have an idea of who i could trust Tender with if that person would accept. ah… it’s actually her vet. hopefully, if i do decide, that she does go to a place where she’ll be loved and wanted by many people and not just by only one (like me). i honestly pray for it.
… i’m still feeling too depressed about it though >__<;;…
