blackbook

today, my cousin said something about my grandmother wanting to give away my basset hound Tender and her kid. mainly because they do not bark (at strangers). and they feel that they’re too high maintenance (we have 2 other dogs here, not really ours =o=;; but left for safekeeping)

today somehow i also considered selling them off, as Tender had papers and all. though i do need money…

but even more than having money and my bit of frustration that a watchdog is instead wanted, is the desire for her to have a good home.

i honestly feel terrible about it.

basset hounds are really sweet and friendly, to the point that they’ll just randomly jump you their full weight when you’re crouched while doing laundry, and lick you with good measure too. and their weight and saliva is really… undescribable XD;;. like, being the thin stick i am i do get towed around by Tender at those few times i give her walks, specially when she’s in her usual curious mood (and my weight certainly has no match to her >.<;;;), and obedient. and she’s so well behaved when i give her a bath too (like she raises her leg for me when i have to clean her underside^^).

…somehow despite that it seems our hearts couldn’t meet that much though? (maybe it’s the saliva thing ahaha) i somehow blame myself for feeling this way…

i think it was to the point i haven’t been able to give much care and lots of love that is supposed to be given to someone of her breed. somehow the rest of the family is still scared by Tender too (again, maybe it’s the saliva and the randomly jumping thing when it’s her natural manner and what you’d actually love in a dog…)

sometimes, oftentimes, because i’m not around enough, at those few times that i look at her it somehow feels she’s looking back at me with too much sadness. or she’s just lying there too much. though she would acknowledge if i’m near, the intelligent sensitive dog she is. sometimes her eyes are even red. at those times, i really want to cry. like now.

my love, mostly because i’m the only one i think?, and because i’m not around often, is just not enough.

i really feel terrible.

it’s no secret i actually want a Siberian Husky. and i think i’m more of a cat person =o=;; (for them being quite independent). but then Tender, for all the times she’d been here, i can’t let go and i don’t want to let go.

but then i know deep in my heart she would be better taken care of by someone else, loved by someone else. and i know she would be better somewhere else. i know i have to let go.

…i really fail at being a friend （苦笑）.

i haven’t made a decision yet, though it’s more of leaning towards letting her go right now, and i already have an idea of who i could trust Tender with if that person would accept. ah… it’s actually her vet. hopefully, if i do decide, that she does go to a place where she’ll be loved and wanted by many people and not just by only one (like me). i honestly pray for it.

… i’m still feeling too depressed about it though >__<;;…

stuff that finally arrived the other day!  oooo big box…

( this is just the first layer… )

ehhh… the return of 「闇の末裔」 Yami no Matsuei???

apparently there had also been some sightings.

i didn’t realize it’s been 8 years already^^;;….

ah… got to find out now if that last phonebook chapter i read is really the last chapter so far akdsljflsdkjfljkf.

EDIT: apparently not akdsjflsdjflsdkjf.

… it’s quite sad though that there are no promises that the story would go further ;o;.  nobody even knows what really happened to Matsushita-sensei… will the Heaven sphere story be ever finished?  what about the story with Nagare???  i also hope the art AND content wouldn’t deviate that much from last chapter…  (dreading specially at that “change of content” thing…)

… i’m honestly filled with dread =o=;;;.

i really love this series.  i hope it just wouldn’t end abruptly.  it’s so full of memories for me~~~ and i learned so much from its art~~~~

IT STILL HAS A FANBASE, argh.  please just don’t look at Japan to determine if it would continue or not >.<…

we’re still waiting…

ah… my packages arrived today =D♥♥♥♥♥♥!

EDIT: ah… it’s only now that i’ve seen the last chapters and the Oriya sidestory…

… EHHH??? the art has changed DDDDD= ???? that much???

when i was about to rule out the Oriya sidestory change as intentional…

なぜ　；o；～～～～～～ （涙）

… ah >___<;;.

but still…!  wouldn’t stop me from buying vol. 12!  just really hope the art would slowly go back to the way it was and improve in the future alsjdljfldskjfskl!

i really like Kurono Nanae XD.

not only because she made Vassalord…

…but she can fanmode a lot too XDDD.

like, for instance, on MW.

… kinda makes you speechless XDDDD.  up to the point that she had to make a separate category for it and even… gorgeous fanart alskdjflsdjflksdjf.

…which leads me to wondering, will they do a manga adaptation of MW…???

i wish she would be the artist XDDDDD.  but then, that would be like the manga adaptation of a manga… XDDD;;;.

i really like people who can freely fanmode XDDD♥

oooo they’re making a TV drama of Peacemaker too!

though honestly i’ve yet to check out Peacemaker…

read though that some myu boys are going to be in it XDDD (like, Araki…! and, Furukawa Yuta…??).  before they bring it to the stage version…

…AGAIN.  because Axle had done it way before akdsjfslkjfkljf, then there was another version with Takuya, Yonehara and Yasuka… 0.o;;

both has dvds though it seems the Axle one’s sold out already. i honestly want to check out the Axle version more first. why aren’t they doing a dvd version of Wild Adapter though orz.

mainly fretting about the Nippon Export order right now >.<;;  (if they did get me those 4 volumes of AVARUS or not…!  it’s already in the country!).  couldn’t finalize anything else until i see @__@;;

…wasn’t able to stay up for the Leonids >o<;;.

really felt sick and dizzy i had to sleep ahaha @___@;;.

not really obvious because i was posting.  but then that was off drafts =P.

but i think i’m a little better now.

ice cream, even with the flu, can really help cure a headache ahaha.  i don’t get that sick much so often that i forget the first aid ahaha.

as i look up to that dark sky and manage to see the bits of stars that manage to still twinkle through artificial lights, up to the point that i can keep my eyes open, i somehow remembered that time in the province when the sky seemed so near and the stars were so big and so white and so near as well that you can see they are really shaped like a five-side and you can just simply reach up and grab one.

how technology could sometimes mar things.

“Starless” is also one of Rurouni Kenshin’s BGM tracks, i remember^^.

i’m listening to this right now:

though i haven’t finished the game yet XD pc can’t handle it for now.  grr Adobe for being too large >.<;;.  really thinking if it should be the HD or the memory i’ll upgrade first.

some i really like are Forever and Instinct, two BGMS used/kind of mixed on this simple but kick-ass Sweet Pool pv v.2 X3.

i’m officially this right now.

XDDD;;; well, what else could be the result if almost everyone around you are sick and you’re the only one who isn’t?

doesn’t help too that i drank some energy drink slowly until afternoon.  wow 1000mg of taurine @___@;;; — didn’t realize it was that powerful ahaha.  now i can’t sleep, just when my body really needs it ahaha >.<;;;.

since i’m not being allowed to sleep, meh. 咎狗の血’s OST is actually keeping me even more awake now. til i tire out haha @___@;;;.

and helped me go through 300+ entries of LJ. yes. *accomplished*

it’s hard making decisions though when your head’s partially swimming…

will i be able to see some Leonids tonight…?

i really ♥ the Altar Boyz cast♥♥♥♥♥.  actually up to now i’m still checking out their blogs occasionally XDDDD (except Rouma’s, for being mobile only bleh >.<;;). and it appears that it is also one play Masa could never forget ahaha♥♥♥ (learning process thing~~~! you can really learn much from older, more experienced people♥… not that they are -that- old ahaha)

also kind of happy that his song is being used somewhere.  hey, it’s not everyday your song could be used as the ending of a show, albeit short  (and i really find Melody Yoko pretty.  like beauty queen pretty X3.  with perfect English too♥).

now where is your calendar, Masa…

and i ♥ fun pics too.

…than be in a world without sincerity and truth.

that’s my truthXD.

…even if sometimes it feels like i’m only addressing myselfXD.

but then if people happens to walk the same way, i guess it’s ok.

as for people… that’s quite a complex matter^^;;.

i try my best to keep what i can. i don’t really believe that i should forget those who don’t really care in return (i cannot forget anyway) — i just wait and see if they’ll come around again.

it’s like love.

ehh is that less blood back then actually just a fluke?

i realize it’s almost already a month since my actual surgery.  but there’s still a little blood on my cotton.

am i just healing too slowly or what-__-?? uh, i think i am. should i take supplements already aside from vitamin c?

i haven’t been cut open before so i really have no idea =o=;;.

also trying to pace myself, and not rush my recovery like some people seem to try to goad me into>.>;;. i guess this is just another of those times that i could trust only myself? (or what my body clock is telling me, that is) and the well wishes and positivity from other people.

i should listen also to my body more. i wouldn’t have the stitch opening if i hadn’t let myself be pressured in the first place>.>;;.

i guess that’s why there are other people… to get strength from when you feel you cannot get enough from within you atm.

i’m writing a Vassalord fic right now. on my phoneXD. ah, my thumbs hurt ahaha. so i’m like on the stylus right now… slower ahaha =P.

…it’s starting to get painful as well, ahahaha.

and let’s do a repeat of this image

NOOOOOO I CAN FEEL THE BEGINNINGS OF A COLD ALREADY.  noooooo i don’t want to get sick noooooo >~<;;;;;…. self-medication is so not ftw right now ~o~;;;…

i wish i could see the Leonids tomorrow.

i’m not bleeding too much anymore =DDDDD! *looking at cotton ball with happiness*

i think i can finally go out now after a few days *o*~~~~.

just have to keep up with sitting up straight all the time and trying not to move in bed like so

IT KILLS MY BACK THOUGH >.<. like, really @___@;;;.

i really think the best birthday gift i had was that surgery. even though surely this would scar now DDDDD=.

but who cares about scarring anyway when the main problem is gone? i’m honestly a little worried but not on how it would look like once it heals over… i know the scar could bother me in the future, what’s new =.=;;… but still…!   yeah i know my worries are so shallow hahaha@__@;; i just hope that cyst would never happen again.

mainly flailing right now at… le gasp! SWEET POOL SIMS *O*XDDDDD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ wahhh why had i never thought of that…

and Sweet Pool fanart…

dammit why do all the good things come along when i don’t have much money ahaha >.<;;;…

i feel tempted to do a Sweet Pool dj right now. like, it’s been brewing in me since this morning >.<…