blackbook

my grandmother was hit by a jeep earlier today before lunch.

i had been sleepless the whole afternoon then shuttling her back and forth hospital rooms, scene of the crime, talking with people, being calm but obviously very very furious with the driver. it’s my grandmother for heaven’s sake, and she was at the right of way too.  it’s the common accident in my place actually —- caused by reckless, frequently ignoring boundaries, always on the rush drivers.

i can’t help but end our conversation with, “i’ll find you >=/ ”

… i find my behavior’s really almost similar to Yagyuu’s^^;.

no surprise, his birthdate is after mine.

what just made my day so far is getting to download some “オルトロスの犬” (Orthros no inu) CM (really excited for this drama X3), some Yasu flash from Nei, reading a new damn good D1 fic, rain, finally getting to talk to that firm (though… i’m quite bitter and fretty about what i heard) and getting commissioned to scan some old pics for a funeral service.

though last activity is admittedly creepy^^;. but i did enjoy looking at authentic old pics

paid LJ ended tonight too. aww. anyway, it had been fun while it lasted… i’d miss posting those icons though

contemplating whether to go to work tonight with all the recent events. i’m technically exhausted. i want to protect everyone from me suddenly snapping, i want to think. didn’t go to work =/.

uh.

?????

haven’t broken out the news yet gently, no calls yet from that firm — it’s been a damn month and despite their promises they haven’t called, tried calling but the line is still busy and i’m so running out of time and i so want to just resign from work but because of that mere technicality… dammit i went to them a month before wth were they saying “5-day review and approval???” and no mention of the damned hidden fees too, constant nagging and knocks at my door and it smells of paint and its too damn hot and messy and i have no place to put myself in and they really can’t damn tell when i’m tired and i really don’t want to talk to anyone…

i feel sick. i really really feel sick. i feel sick of it all.

1. i didn’t know it was Airu’s birthday on the 15th (i only knew it yesterday).

2. Ba-chon’s birthday is today 0___0. (21! i wonder if Masa already greeted him?? or if he was too busy hanging out with H-san yesterday alskdjsaljdlsadjla <—aka “Matthew” aklasjflsdjfldsjflsdk one of my secret ships ahahaha XDDD)

reminds me, i got to make an ALTAR BOYZ documentation here as well…

( i really wonder how everyone around Masa just seems to smile freely and such. when i encountered H-san outside the last day of Altar Boyz, he was in a hurry and seemingly so serious as he said “thank you” and shook hands with whoever fan managed to get near him.

but here, with Masa… i see his dork, fun side. it is much like his attitude on stage and his pictures with the rest of the Boyz, and it feels so unique. now that must be the power of Masa’s charisma XDDDD… i could only see very rare people with this kind of trait…!)

3. speaking of Masa, he honestly looks as pretty as his previous teachers… if not prettier alsdjflsdfjdsjfldjfl. lucky women. teacher looks grim XDDD.

he’s so gorgeous recently, idk alfjdldsjfsldflsdfk.

4. speaking of gorgeousness… LESLIE KEE+MASA combo = OMGOMGOMG 0o0!! i’m SOOO looking forward to this projectXDDDDD! omg! broke times ahead too >.<…! Masa why do you do this to me DDDD:XDDDDDD

as i have just recently had Leslie Kee as one of my favorite photographers, doing such epicness as the photography for Shirotan, ALTAR BOYZ and Kagotsurube (which actually is a surprise for me…! i wouldn’t have believed if i hadn’t seen the pamphlet and the postcards from Nei 0.0…!), aljlkdsfksdfksdjflsdjfl I’M DEFINITELY GOING TO GRAB THIS XDDDDD.

(when i saw the ALTAR BOYZ pamphlet actually, i’ve got a feeling that Leslie really likes Masa as a subject XDDD;;;. it’s not hard to like him anyway…!

and… grr… PatiNight argh… why not let us recover first from the 2STEPS+CHEERS DVD combo DDDDDDDDDD= first mm, Kazuki’s there too X3.

5. apparently, true friendships really cross boundaries like entertainment groups.

hello, everyone. meet YamaPi and Shirotan. XDDDDD.

i love this kind of solid friendships X3

6. Fronis Irontoe dungeon is so heartpounding it’s tiring. and makes my reflexes too slow. this could be due to lack of sleep.

i sleep 5 hours a day apparently X__x.

7. i hate my schedule this week. thank goodness it’s dayoff after the shift tonight.

1 and a half week to go…

going to sleep now.

1. i finally got my Heavy Equipment Pack. yes XD.

but somehow… it feels like… still not enough space..? XDD;;;

now, i’ll be working for my Elementalist but i’ll be more relaxed this time XDDD;;

2. Masa… is certainly one who knows how to turn on the cute (though i have a feeling he does not actually know he’s doing it XDDD;;). i don’t know if he and Ba-chon also has some psychic times going on alternating in posting pics of their dogsXDD;;.

i normally don’t keep small dogs (since they would be poor in guarding the house, certainly^^;;), but pics and posts like this just make me go *____*grabbyhands.

i actually want a Siberian Husky X3.

3. cats also pwn me too. i want a Russian Blue.

(alsjdflsflkdsjflksdfk now that i realize it, alsjfldsfjlsflsflsdl Mao’s cat looks like my cat:

i actually want to comment in his blog that his cat looks like mine, but… poor Japanese here X__x;;)

4. one of the most beautiful pics ever, it makes me wanna cry ;__^;; (and makes me wanna go there as well ;o;…!  really wasn’t able to do serious sightseeing back then when i was at Japan >__< ). also, several sweet ones: from Ba-chon, Takkun (this kinda makes me cry because of the nostalgia tho argh. and how Ba-chon and Hiromi were positioned on the pic… ;o;…), also Masa being an expert of projection X3.

brb backtracking Masa’s pics…

5. some wtf is going on here pics too: from Kazuki and Ba-chon (reminded me of that myu!doujinshi which has Gaku making use of this and beating pretty much everyone XDDD. i don’t know what health benefit is this supposed to achieve…? something related to abs perhaps…?)

6. whoever you are who bought the last copy of first-press of Shion’s single… >=0  ;o;…

7. those recent chibi!Kri Lin and Goku, Kuro summer festival version figures… X3! and one awesome actual scale GUNDAM in Odaiba 0___0…! (why the hell is it only for a couple of months though ;o;… shouldn’t it be like a national monument or sightseeing thing or something ;o;…!  i honestly wanted to see it in person ;o;…!)

8. went to a toy convention last saturday XDD! and unexpectedly met old friends~~~♥♥♥

9. 2 weeks left to go before i finally resign from work, and make a certain decision that could control me for 20-25 years. ahaha X__X;;. i’m really starting to feel sick of rl atm.

i think i was fated to work harder for everything in my life. i know that, and that’s ok with me. i think what is actually hard is my body (and more recently my mind) can’t keep up with it all argh >__<;;…

i’ll work my way slowly and surely towards it still. i just wish for a little more time… and the Heaven’s mercy though i know i really don’t deserve it…

1. new Masa video XDDDDD. with some suspicious-looking drink again. looks like a screwdriver aldskjfldsjflsdjflsd. or some lime-based thing.

i haven’t found out how to download the 3gp directly from the site yet grr.

2. i really want the latest D1 magazines. and aldjfldsjflsjjsafksdalk omg i forgot it’s Vassalord time in AVARUS again @___@;;. argh.

3. old news, but, Adachi tells of this sweet little story of Channaka standing up to some bullies in the train.

i feel even more respect for Channaka now XDD. 

4. Baba talks of breakfast, then eventually the sweetest family picture. ARGH I WILL REALLY MISS THIS LINEUP ;^;. seems too that once again fate is telling me that i’m not really destined to be able to catch up to the Pureboys’ that faithfully as others with the lineup change again >__<;;… though Ouji and Kei-chan seem to be holding the fort well, and Yuichi and Takkun’s own stars are shining even brighter. Ito… well, he’ll be forever engraved in my memory as that guy holding up the chalkboard and talking animatedly ^^;;; i wouldn’t talk anymore of fandom things also kind of discouraging me too follow this fandom due to some… well, sheesh, i’ll just support them at my own means bleh. /ends negativity blah

…i’ll still really miss seeing Baba and Hiromi in this group ;^;… (kind of unnerving seeing unfamiliar faces at the side of Baba’s blog, huh?). the mobile CM was also kind of woah camera movement XDDD and “btw, if you do not know it yet, the hottest one there is about to leave that group?” yeah. moments like these =___=.

reminds me. i really want to buy Shion’s single XDDD;;. and they’ve got the 7 Color Candies DVD up for preorder already, even if it was barely into rehearsal XDD;;. 

5. i really want to buy this book too
 

even though i don’t know the contents >___<;;. i don’t know if it’s that “fan”-ish. hopefully it’s not so rakugaki as before and more of the real “official pics collection”. grr.

6. grr why is this pic too small.

7. uwahhh 『11人いる！』 DVD*____*! but why no Wild Adapter D:???

8. I got to start pre-ordering the 2STEPS Collectors’ Edition and Masa’s CHEERS Tour asap. grr, finances, work with me >___<o…!

(the cover of the Shinjuku Nursery… movie… really kind of makes me wibble.  I RECOGNIZE THAT PLACE, I’VE BEEN THERE ALSDJFLDSJFLDSJFLAJLA and i love that place too XDDDD no matter its reputation ahahaha)

9. oh, hai. someone should tell kazuki he really posts insanely small pics @___@;; grr.  but i’m really wibbling at the fact that he watched Shougo’s Kuroshitsuji… aww, these two really adore each other X3♥.

(and i’m also really very envious — why was Kazuki able to watch it and not me D= ? ahaha XDDD. =___=;;;… *really REALLY wants to see that play…! most specially Yuya and whoever played Grell >.<…*)

10. uwahh Sims3 aldkjflkdsjfljsdfl. and the Equilibrium movie… but on blu-ray. D= <–*doesn’t have blu-ray player*.

given to me:

…it’s in italian though@__^;;. wahh @___@;;;…

but nevertheless, i think i’ll be keeping this. because i can’t afford (and hesitating to buy due to it not being quad-band) a Sony Ericsson G900 and having a keitai is too far off. and it happens to be kick-ass in itself adkjfldsjfldsjfdskfk. kinda nervous though that it’s all touchscreen and no keypad what if the touchscreen dies D:??? and this will be hot in criminals’ eyes too…

anyway, so researching all possible apps i could fit in at the Windows Mobile 6  Professional interface it has.. EasyDrawing and translating the whole thing into English appears to be impossible atm @___@;; (i’m just too scared to introduce hacks and illegal things to the phone too… viruses make me nervous), and  Scanlife (for all those net barcode goodies X3) doesn’t appear to have my phone model too though they provide generic but not guaranteed drivers (also, local cellphone companies don’t have internet settings for it too… ARGH. why does my phone have to be kickass yet so unpopular always >.<;;…)

so i’m looking at either Penreader or PenReader Touch (grr why no Japanese writing recognition though), Calyst@Dictionary Reader , PocketDict for Jap-Eng-Jap dictionary times or BEIKS or Kabuto SP or King Kanji for further learning, or for doodling Pocket Artist or Pakii Sketch (uwahh it looks like oekaki*____*) or VsPainter, or even… alkdflsjflsdjflsdjlf Pocket Flipbook 0.0..! (i remember my 2D animation study times ahaha).

…if only they were free D:.

there are free things though. but, of course, limited features @.<;; — for drawing there’s VsPainter LE1.75 (though some people has lots of complaints of it eating too much memory >__<;;), AmusArt, Mobile Sketcher; for kanji Kanji Learn, some barcode readers, maybe some SignTap Kana or Kanji…

honestly, this is really one of the worst weeks of my life. 1 week down, 3 weeks to go. I kind of want and do not want it to end — end in the way that i would not feel anymore this torment i brought upon myself, not want it to end in the way that i need more time. apparently, by the way things are going though that time is already running out for me. but i just can’t quit…

this realization, that everything could be given to me except what i really need…

tired, has some transcription to do, but procrastinating (because i’m tired but i should never sleep >.<;;;)…

1. oh hai there random pink furry cape thingy.

OMG NEW SHIROTA PHOTOBOOK OMG *keysmashkeysmashtodeath*

i wouldn’t deny i’m excited for this photobook even though not exciting financial-wise =.=;;. regardless of the random pink furry cape thingy.

(<— i generally hate pink, but i accept it looks pretty good on certain people and things. stress on the “certain” word)

2. Masa, so far: confirming Rikkai myu again and again being in it (of course! he’d probably mourn so bad if he didn’t get back in there as Niou ahaha), brand new tomodachi times (i really like it that he knows how to maintain his friends… and even get it growing XDDD), looking like a doll in Cyrano (dammit historical *___*, aside from his Pippin look i’ve really got to emulate this one day! and… i seriously want photosets ;^;… they were saying it’s kickass…),  got a new fascination for videoblogging XDDD;; more likely because he had just discovered the video function of his phone and got courageous he wouldn’t be death-by-packeted XDD;; (and first videoblog just got to have him just right out of the shower drunk doing Cheers XDDD dammit Masa stop making our imagination nosebleed like that whoever does a videoblog and says outright he just got out of the shower aldsflsdklfjsdlkjf ahaha... dammit i don’t know how to directly rip out the 3gp file too from the site X___X. internet video downloaders just compress it even more making it look even more crappy), sweet sempai times with Katou Masaya-san(Kanbei of Samurai 7) and both looking hot aslkdfkdsfhkdsfjdsjk and treating Masa to meat dinner like a date, which is like… plot bunnies ala Osamu x Uchi XDDDDD;;;… *nosebleeds*, showing off his new hair ala *____* at video mode though at first i thought the shot looked too vague… and he had probably come out of the shower again XDDD;;, … with kids though picture always looks sweet with kids, i have this feeling of selfish dread of him settling down one day… lol XDDD, D1 alone times getting more constant♥ and everyone loving it and the shipper at the back of my mind always thinking something else XDDD, loving how he looks like with a guitar and a lovely family picture ehhh i thought you play the guitar?? or maybe you just left all the playing to Fufu didn’t you… i’m honestly looking forward to the day you’ll perform acoustic 涙から聴こえた歌, “stumbling” at Cyrano and beating himself up over it again Masa the perfectionist… awww Masa *hugs* ;o;, his love for anything blue specially if it’s flowers X3, D1 D1 nandomonandomoXDDD♥♥♥ (dammit i wanna buy the magazines ;o;!) Ba-chon you somehow never look as constantly spazzy anymore >.>;;?, and being naturally sexy as finale (arms aldskjfldsjfldsjfldsfldskfdl) but dammit Masa you’re such a tease >.^;;

3. Ba-chon, so far:

…well. because of that certain day that Ameblo suddenly decided to perform maintenance all the opened windows of choice entries were gone =___=. so meh. Ba-chon, i’ll just backtrack all your prettiness again. meanwhile, I’m going to track down Rachi+Irei combi at Rachi’s first…

4. I really want to watch the Saiyuki myu ~Dead or alive~!

argh i want to get the clearfile too… myu actors’ Sai-pose there look so epic aldksjflsdjflsdljf

mainly because of Ni Jyeni (Karahashi Mituru), and… akldfldshfldsfldsj Chin Ii Sou XDDD (Be There arc omg XDDDDD).

(Karahashi Mituru, if i read it correctly, apparently is also an illustrator. i’m so in awe at the multi-talentednesss*_____*~~~)

(yeah, I’m still on this musical kick from watching ALTAR BOYZ and Magdara na Maria — OMG MARIA IS MY IDOL ahaha XDDDD i want my damnest to create icons of the play but i don’t have the material yet D:… speaking of which Stacy gave me this:

on the ice cream craving i had last weekend. HANS *_____*♥♥♥! i really love you and you’re still cute even if your body suddenly decided to shoot up taller and lanky ahaha.

— and craving also for the Kuroshitsuji myu too… mainly because i’m curious on how the Sebastien there would perform XD).

i like calling Sebastian “Sebastien” sorry. makes it sound more royal hurhur. are there actually photosets in this myu?? (not sure what the “bromides” actually contain… I wanna see whoever played Grell because I was hearing that the Grell there was kickass.

Matsushita Yuya certainly has a different aura when playing Sebastien. he also doesn’t look like his age too X__x;;. i’m actually reminded of Shinji Rachi. i love it X3

apparently, Onada Ryunosuke who plays Kougaiji there is also slated to play as Baba’s double-cast in THE FINAL MATCH RIKKAI FIRST (yeah, yeah, original Rikkai is that popular=thus, busy, already that they had to double-cast. and of the 8 original members, only 4 remained =__=. and apparently only Kanesaki’s not double-casting XDDDD. fukubuchou through and through…! kind of nervous for the Yukimura though as this appears to be his musical debut aldkfjldsjflsdjflsd)

(and, surprise, surprise, Ryun also happens to be in the same company as Masa and Taisuke who would also be Masa’s double-cast — who also happened to be one of the backup dancers in Masa’s first live. OMG THE CONNECTIONS NEVER END)

…yeah this is old news already XD;;;.

…speaking of which… I really want to watch this one of the last Tenipuri shows ;^;. specifically Rikkai 2nd part (as by the story arc, Niou actually appears on a singles match but damn with the graduation of 4th cast Seigaku it appears the Masa vs Furukawa match is impossible already ;0;! dreams of BFF VS gone…!).

and Rikkai 2nd appears to be on December-January. WILL I BE ABLE TO SAVE UP TO WATCH THIS ONE OF THE LAST EPIC SHOWS FOR DECEMBER/JANUARY (with Masa in it) ;o;???? all possibilities right now seem to point to no, as that is also Xmas time and due to sentimentality reasons it’s hard to be away from your family on Xmas day ;o;…

Masa and Baba being together again (and posting quite some amount about each other too recently X3) is making me crave even more >__<;;. i honestly want to see Baba in person too! height comparison times again ahaha (double-cast D1 seemed to have posted about each other as well. I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO QUAD-SWITCH ahaha XDD) i kind of also want to watch the double-cast pair of Ryuu and Taisuke! new-cast and double-cast Rikkai already kind of feels at home to me (though admittedly i’d really miss Renn, Jutta, Kento and Ouji ;^;… hey maybe MMV would find a way to bring them back XD;;), strangely…!

5. as we’re speaking of Rikkai and musicals already anyway, here are two of my favorite guys:

Karatani-san i missed your old black hair though ;o;…! oh wait, he’s back to black hair, YAY XDDD.

(Karatani-san is a member of Axle, apparently a main actor usually, which appears to be the main all-male theater unit in Blue Shuttle. Blue Shuttle is the company where Genki is under. Axle usually occasionally does their own versions of certain popular manga series, like Peacemaker or Wild Adapter or Banana Fish, long before other companies even made it to full blown musicals XD. occasionally Genki would join Axle in their plays, but so far still not considered a “member” of Axle, more recently 11Nin or just previously Wild Adapter).

I honestly want to watch the Axle version of Wild Adapter. i think they made a different twist of it through the costumes (as shown in the photosets… DAMMIT THE PHOTOSETS ARE GONE ;o;…!)

6. the realization just pwned me that the Glory Days play Irei and Shinji Rachi are talking about is the same. 0___0…!!!!!

(<—*that out of sync nowadays*)

and at Shinjuku Face again XDDD (<—just love the acoustics in this place. and the feeling that you’re that near to your idol, no matter where you are placed XDDD. except if you’re near the bartender’s area at the back of course)

(btw, Nei, random Irei sightings at Rachi’s blog XDD)

7. just waiting for Masa’s CHEERS! tour and 2STEPS DVD now.

dammit DVD box space goes away fast. i need new boxes asap >___< (specially for the magazines).

and i swear i’ll get the Collectors Edition of 2STEPS!! i’ll work hard!  *determined* i’ll try to ignore my tiredness at overtime times…! <–*this is specially hard… i’m not a morning person and i get cranky too*

8. still trying my damned hardest not to talk about my current grr-ish “Real Life Situation”. i have already promised myself not to talk about it, haven’t i???!???? *kicks self to the moon*

…i’m still disturbed honestly. still hoping i guess >__<;;.