blackbook

just a few more hours, on this side of the world, and another new year would start. and i have to spend it at work. argh.

but that work gives me license to buy Masa's stuff, so it's all good XDDD. making me constantly broke too!

i think… 2008… is Masa Year for me!

(and it's his fault i post this earlier than tomorrow!)

a new year resolution post??? *le shock!*

i don't really do new year resolutions. because i always get the feeling i would never follow them anyway =/. much of my life always pushed through with just… mere instinct, will, and calculated risk XDDD.

but i guess "goals" can also be termed as new year "resolutions", so… for now… i'm calling them "new year resolutions" XDD!:

1) pay off my debts *dies*
2) being more involved in charity work. because on the line of work that i do and interests that i have, "charity" doesn't seem to apply. but there is that little opportunity there, which is connected to my bjd-love… and i would like to grab it. also, because i feel that despite all my disappointments, i'm still so blessed and constantly being given chances by the heavens — so i feel willingly indebted to give back! <—*and it's rare that i feel so "willingly indebted" too…! (i'm also inspired by shirotan…)
3) go to Japan and see Masa XDDD
4) go to Japan and find out how i could go senmon gakko route
5) drawing again, which is in lieu to next goal…
6) TAKING MORE COURAGE IN COLORING STUFF.
7) practice (and maybe re-study *dies*) 3D
set up some small creative business

btw, DOES ANYBODY KNOW LATIN HERE? can i have some of my Latin corrected ;^;..?? onegaishimasu…!

Happy New Year, flist! i wish us prosperity this next year!

EDIT: sorry if i had bothered you with my early <strike>whining familia</strike>rant, none_neither <strike>(i honestly feel so embarrassed!)</strike>, and thank you for listening! i hope i'll rant less this year^^;;!

to… Shirota Yuu ^o^!

can you believe… that this guy's bday is just right after Christmas??? (must be difficult that maybe… he's only given one set of presents each year! lol)

best fanart of him i've seen today…! akshfdslkfhdsklfkjdk.

i first saw him in Cinepuri, and was quite surprised that his real character, as my friend placed it, was so o-genki desu. i must say he was one of the first sights that got me interested in PoT again haha, and the very first Jap idol/actor i really got into. and he's also an inspiration story, to all mixed-race people everywhere! he may seem so carefree, confident and o-genki desu, but in reality he does have plenty of insecurity times… one big softie^^;;!

i wish him more luck next year…!

Merry Xmas, to all!

i'm actually kind of sulking right now because i was forced to spend Xmas Eve at work and Toru's giving me some expression now that almost looks like a pout… and it looks like it would be the same for the New Year too. i swear workforce hates me. but i'm working on that. i can't NOT spend my New Year at home — i have some kind of personal tradition every year, so that insubordination paper may be damned >=/.

Xmas was pretty weird… rainy! and i heard from my parents Venice's flooded right now too alsdkfsklfjsklfj. everybody — do something about the global warming situation! i hope it won't be like that on New Year so that we'd get to do fireworks!

i think Crescent Shop is pissed at me, because i kind of struggled a bit at the fact that you have to pay via Moneybookers if you're going to buy something labelled as "adult". when it's not explicitly stated in their website. that they didn't even tell me that my [徹－Ｔｅｔｓｕ－] was ready to be shipped =/.

my art at the sweet_pool comm… makes me feel pathetic at the progress of "my art" -___-… it's like;… i never really changed… never really learned… but then that could be due to the effect of being too tired most of the time to even try to draw something…

i find that processing a passport the normal way takes 2 weeks, and i don't know if papers to japan would take even longer. and i have to go somewhere far tomorrow just to process something. meaning even lesser sleep. i don't know if i have enough time before february comes. and i'm so dreading to open my other email add just to see that my friend hadn't bought those Altar Boyz tickets yet .

i really don't like Xmas, i find. because i have to do certain… obligations i never really liked having to put up a front/i just wish certain people particularly the ones that make me feel miserable would just leave me alone though they don't know they actually make me feel like that, that i feel almost like Yagyuu sometimes.  how couldn't i be, when his birthday is just right next to mine alsdkjfdkfjsljfdk.

but i find making other people happy makes me happier even more. i don't know why. it's actually a strange realization, which started just last year…

but at least i saw a beautiful human version of a centaur today…

…i think all my moping today is due to the fact that i have to work on Xmas Eve. and i couldn't reveal the reason why.

at least, i think, on a timezone +1 to mine someone must be feeling similarly. too many people around, yet still so lonely…

Vassalord and Masa… are the only things that keep me sane/dreaming/daydreaming right now.

ok. this would be the last moping/wallowing/ranty post of the year, and the first and the last time i'll do it here. i should have done it on my personal journal, but my journal's dead right now. so sorry~~~ i hope you'll bear with me. even for just now.

is Shopping Mall Japan supposed to be cheaper in their web order service than Crescent Shop?

(because i think i swear i saw somewhere that it's cheaper, most likely in DoA, but i dunno anymore =___=. they could also be quite slow in replies compared to Crescent Shop, but maybe that's because it's the holidays. i ordered the Sweet Pool game from Amazon, and they gave no confirmation if i'll be getting the [Lost Days] cd with it, as they ordered it on the day of release itself, around 2 am Japan time? and the [Lost Days] cd supposedly comes if it's preordered alsdjlfjdskfjsdljk…

…yes i fret too much >.<… )

i honestly feel so crippled now lol. because i'm still in the process of resurrecting my pc. and so not used to writing my entries in LJ, because i haven't paid my webhost yet. but at least i can play games now…!

i specifically went back to try playing Ragnarok (after half a day of patches yesterday aldkfsdkfjsd). oh well, nothing new, there's still THE LAG. and it's Xmas event there. i can't believe i still have a heart for this level-grinding, 2D sprite game XDDD. maybe it's because my sprites there are cute (and i think i've invested too much in them already, as you can see from my Battlesmith):

can't afford to play this everyday now though. i'll be going back to Guild Wars later XDDD (Xmas event there too, and it's a whole lot better there).

also, my Battlesmith's now parked infront of the Toy Factory — dangerous place, something you wouldn't want to go into unless you have a death wish of a small toy firing squad at  your back, while intently watching the [2STEPS!] trailer, hahaha. oh Masa and your perfect twirl alksdfjsdkjfsdkfj. with longish hair and  leather. the encoding quality of youtube doesn't do your energy justice. that's why i love you so…

with playing Ragnarok again, i find myself getting into this nostalgia of backtracking this year about to end. maybe i'd do it at the end of this year XDD… try to see how far i've come into this life so far. hahaha.

I MISSED MASA'S POSTS (even all those pictureless ones).

I MISSED BABA'S POSTS (yes! even all that terse deja vu XDD!).

i missed all those switching_it_up posts.

i missed all those sweet_pool  fanart (damn, reminds me, i have to make MY own fanart before the release at the 19th. aldkfkdlfhdlkjfsljk).

my personal+doll sites are currently dead. because i haven't notified yet my site provider that i have already paid. =.=;. so i'm spamming your flist for now haha. i really feel uncomfortable posting in LJ, for some reason. hahaha.

i have a plan to revive dp:schism. as in overhaul. though i don't know if i have the time and the energy to do it >.<;;

i missed a lot of downloads.

i missed a lot of LJ posts! >.<! 320 posts back… *dies* <—no, i actually SUCCEEDED hahahaXD

i wanted to say a lot of things from dec 5(?) onwards, but my pc just DIED >__<. (everyone! never leave the main harddrive at only 500mb-1g space!)

oh, hi, belated Samurai 7 blog Masa appearance XDDD (and as usual, so cheerful over beer. i wish he was one of my drinking buddies, he seems so fun to get wasted with XDDDD!)

AND OMG doingfirst  MY MASA BDAY PHOTOSET HAD ARRIVED AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I WAS BACK THEN THAT IF YOU WERE HERE I'D GLOMP YOU TO DEATH XDDDDD.

( you know you want to view some nwsf XDD )( you know you want to view some nwsf XDD )

 to one of the sexiest characters on earth.

war has broken out again.

just a simple thing to be fought on, but…

somehow, i think i wouldn’t be surprised if one of us accidentally kills the other. or kills himself because of the other.

it somehow feels cold, and then there’s that wish from the heart just wanting to break the rest of the self into ribbons or clay pieces… so that, maybe, it would concentrate on the pain of being apart, rather than feel the pain of it all when together.

each one’s happiness to himself. and then there was this quote, that to make others happy you yourself must be happy.

but how can that be, when the rest are miserable around you? that everything of it just seeps through you, making it somehow now tiring to fake even a little smile, and all you could do is try to disappear.

each to his own. take whatever bit of happiness is there, though there’s the risk of others being broken…

damned before you even know the word.

and she is just there, watching…

i don’t feel the right to be ashamed now. what do you think of us now? of all the ugliness…?

i don’t know, if now, you understand…

would you… one day… disappear then…?