blackbook

Masa the fanboy. heehee.

i really love how he gushes at things, and so unafraid to gush at things he’s really fascinated in. カワイイイ～～～！*glomp*

and omg dream come true — Masa + Seki XD! (<–i’m also looking forward to you doing some seiyuu drama together too. pls thx. XDDD)

and Crescent Shop is really made of major fail =___=;;.

though… i really couldn’t totally blame them=___=;;. it must… really be that hard shopping for other people ne…? (and, i had once dreamed of setting up a business like this too with my friend…! anime and manga-related! well, maybe in the future XDD….)

and maybe, that thing that i wanted, is just not supposed to be…

i hope though THAT OTHER THING -IS- though, dammit.

EDIT: ok. they also turned down my suggestion too. =___=;;.

i’m dying here. really.

Masa, wait for me, please…?

EDIT 2:

i’m not sleeping yet =___=;;. i’ll try to sleep later… maybe it would do something about my energy level prior to the job.

…experiment. desu.

… no i didn’t wasn’t able todo this. 5 hours, and suddenly i think no one will send me off now. i really wish i had my own flat, so i would be able to go in and out whenever i want without bothering people about it… i really feel like i’m bothering them.>.<.

…i really feel bad. i was chewed on regarding this, yet again. but what could i do…

…maybe i should do something about this ;^;… but i don’t have money to pay rent…!

EDIT 3:

a “thank you” note, to a fellow fan:

AMEN.

i also don’t typically fanmode over idols, much less if they are pop-ish, and i thought i would never have any idols since Gackt and Shinya.

…Masa really changed all that, however XD. But that boy… really deserves all the love he can get!

so i really thank you guys who can translate for us, and who can express the feeling to him we not able fans happen to share with you. how we wish we could do that ourselves=___=;; (the japanese language… a struggle! lol)

and that surreal imagery you put in at the end… i share the sentiment^^;;. and “painful” is quite the operative word here. haha. it’s also like making a blog you’re not sure people actually read and affect them as you get no comments, but still you do it anyway XD. –>this is LOVE!

don’t be apologetic for this kind of entry *poke*! some people do like reading honest entries like these..! (i comment too long too=__-;;..ごめんね)

today is the Wild Strawberry event!

*…sulks in the corner~~~*

can’t you believe that i actually CONSIDERED going to Japan JUST FOR THIS??? asdkfdkfdksfsdlj

because the feeling of seeing both Masa and Seki on stage is DEFINITELY EPIC PRICELESS. (i would want them to work together again in the future…! maybe, Masa would also need to dabble on seiyuu-dom as well to do that, like Ba-chon did XD?)

…but honestly, i prefer the “normal” WS dvd covers rather than the “individual characters” versions haha:

though Masa’s is really, absolutely TEMPTING… even if the photos they used there are quite OOC/too sexy for his played character in WS haha. and i would have wanted their signatures on my DVD as well ;^;… and… photos and merchandise on the event…!

i have a feeling too that they will sing “LOVERS” along with 12012, knowing that these guys could sing (I miss hearing Seki sing already…! i wonder if his singing voice had changed since Weiβ Kreuz days).

*refreshing my Crescent shop account now like crazy for update on that dvd*

ah, Japan… someday… i’ll go there! *determined!* i will be attending a Masa event!

*sigh*

i’m also sniping on some post right now about “negativity” and “positivity” — but i wouldn’t want to spoil my currently nice mood for now over that haha (i will savor my day off today! because it will be hell on earth at work next week…! and… doctor’s appointment and bills to pay…!). and continuing a certain story for adultfanfiction.net (yes, I write there as well…! if you know where to look ^__~♥. just not… direct-linking to it now, hahaha)

now, what I think would complete my life is a sexy PIPPIN dvd. and Sweet Pool. yes.

EDIT: around 4pm today Ba-chon finally made a b-day greeting post to Masa. with a shiny new pic although some old personal pic with Masa would have been most preferable, but then they’re both too busy in their own projects recently anyway so… =___=;;. FINALLY!

i hope… they will never forget each other’s friendship! especially Ba-chon *kicks*, because Masa surely isn’t forgetting. even with now working apart from each other… because it’s hard to find real, close friends within show business! (or within the media industry in general… i know, i’ve been there! and it’s pretty ugly too @__@;;;…)

and they make such a lovely couple too asldkfjdkfjdsklsl

and lulz he greeted Masa first before his co-Pureboy heehee.

the 298th guestbook entry…

♥♥♥　おめでとうございマサ~~~!　（ＨＡＰＰＹ　ＢＩＲＴＨＤＡＹ^o^！）＊ちゅ♥！＊　♥♥♥

本当にありがとう。。。
あんたであってくれて。。。本当にありがとうございます！
(Thank you for being you!)

永遠の頑張りマサ！永遠のLOVE for you… from us!

(＜－－日本人じゃない！ごめんね～～ (>_<);;　)

how i wish… i could express my feelings more clearly! >__<… (in true fluent Japanese…!)

Ba-chon, why are you so cold?? have you even greeted your beloved Masa already???

(<–though i already have a feeling he already did, he’s just not posting it in his blog… considering how busy he is now compared to before… either he’s really too busy, or he really forgot his beloved Masa’s birthday =___=, or he forgot to post it, or he doesn’t deem that little fact post-worthy. asldkfjdkflsgklj. and he was so pimping the D1 pairing during all those myus too…=___=;;…)

Sweet Pool! what’s with all the Sefirot-like diagrams with the mix of random drawings of insects and tribal symbols and zoology and botany? (November… seems so far away >.< …!)

…i would really want that banner poster of Tetsuo and Youji. though it would look pretty scandalous if i display it that proudly in my too-cramped room. alskdjflsdkgdklfl.

and… dinner is unexpectedly delicious today! thank you very much♥♥♥!

so i was the 667th guestbook entry. alskdfsfdkskgdks.

what i wrote:

♥♥♥　おめでとう~~~!　（ＨＡＰＰＹ　ＢＩＲＴＨＤＡＹ^o^！）＊ちゅ！＊　♥♥♥

LIVE DVD + Wild Strawberry 待つこといそいそ！

Thank you for inspiring us!

so… fanmodish ne?? and my Japanese is still poor too… =___= (and i wish he could get the English XD!).

but really… ever since Shinya and Gackt I never had any other real idols ever, and much less expected the next idol to be POP-ish (you all know how rocker i am at heart, heehee… though Masa’s look is actually leaning towards the pop-rocker side).

…but actually, all i want to say is:

MASA, THANK YOU FOR INSPIRING US. Your perfection, your imperfections, your struggles, your humility, your energy, your feelings, your honesty, and through it all your ever-radiant smile…

Truly *your* “Sun” really “shines away”, and you have no idea how you make us feel happy and blessed with your existence!

and how i wish this message could be translated to you, because this message is really like nothing compared to how big and deep the feelings are into it that just wants to burst out and be expressed!

(i’ll most likely write again in his blog later…! if he posts…!)

(…and how i wished i had drawn him a picture, or had posted this at the very time the clock struck 12 earlier… like how he did with Ba-chon, but i was at work >.<…)

(and, omgz kedi_kedi *o*! <—*this facial expression is not enough to convey my amount of worship for you now!*)

1. askfjdsklfkslkfdlsklfl Good☆Come! the epicness that is Vol 4 and 6! askdkfsjdkfkdlkffkdfinally!:

just when i thought HMV was merely stalling time before they’d politely tell me that they couldn’t get GC4 anymore after all. XD.

2. Masa x Ba-chon is EPIC:

there are so many pictures. i’m drowning in all the loverBFF-ness. it’s a good thing to drown in XD.

3. *DYING WITH ALL THE IKEMEN*

4. ok. i”m convinced. I’LL WATCH TOKYO GHOST TRIP NOW. (XD)

5. my schedule is The Worst™ next week. it must be a punishment for that 30-minute late >.<. noooooo…. (surely, my work performance will be affected again. i hate going to work like i’m spending half of my life already there. it makes my mind tired-er than it already is. and my mind REALLY DIES when it’s 7am onwards. really.)

6. at GC6, Genki went to Volks. alskdjdkfjdskfkdfkl. the otaku he is heehee. obviously gravitating to the mecha.

7. i’m craving for more Masa x Ba-chon now >.<…

8. i don’t know if i’ll go to that trip my work/teammates want to go to. it’s a good excuse to be away from work for a while, but i don’t have money for it, as it’s all been relegated to the doctor appointment (that skin condition issue). and they’re insistent. i’m going back to the doctor next week too >.<… what can i do, i still have to pay for stuff at the end of the month ;^;… i would also feel quite out of place too if i’m the only one out of us three batchmates that will go, and i’m not exactly close to that batchmate who looks like he’ll surely go. i hate this feeling…

9. now all i’ll wait for… is that WS DVD Box^o^! and Masa’s First Live arrival! September’s coming~~~!

10. *goes back to =3~~~ at my GCs*

i would like to think… that my skin is getting better. at least it’s not as itchy/inflammed as before..? but i think, somehow, it still does not look like before >__<… it makes me wince…

omg. my Good✰Come mags are already in my country asldkfjsdkflsldfkl.

…and currently backtracking Ba-chon’s blog entries. like, from 700+ entries. it’s that LJ entry’s fault XD…

i like my schedule this week. i am more alive in the evening than in the mornings (which is like, 7am onwards until lunchtime haha). i wish it would always be this way… (and, i think i can perform better with this schedule!… but i have no control over the planning of it ;^;…)

EDIT: also, because of this new very early schedule, i developed quite a bad habit of trying to sleep 2 hours prior getting ready for work. which is like, every around 4 pm. and getting ready for work basically means trying to fit in showering, dressing up, and eating in just 1 hour. because the hour after that i should devote to commuting already or else i’ll be late.

but somehow, the 1 hour “getting ready time” extends always, and because of that i still end up being late for work. 1st day… 30 minutes. 2nd day… 3 minutes. it’s been two days =___=… this is not a good sign >.< ! (they may not assign me to this schedule again because i’m always late…!)

but…! i could only sleep (and get tired enough to sleep) at exactly 4pm ;^;! what do i do…

(but earlier today, i slept right after i got home from work. i hope that makes up for the hours…)

(ugh… reminds me… i got to sleep now >.<…)

1. finally! my hosting server’s Fantastico updates to wordpress 2.6! but suddenly… WP 2.6.1. alsddfkjdgjsllkdkjl

2. how to display japanese characters/symbols on a wordpress:

1. download wp-config.php file
2. delete the “utf8″ from inside the ‘ ‘ in DB_CHARSET ‘ ‘
3. save
4. upload modded wp-config.php file
5. wordpress admin>settings>reading>set to UTF-8

…i should remember this everytime =__=;;

1683bytes>1687bytes. =3!

3. the spiffiness that is my current keitai wallpaper!:

i don’t want to display the Jokerized version (you know, with the child-like bloody red scribbles?). it makes me think of Keath, and that makes me feel too nostalgic. and nostalgic makes me feel sad =(.

i really want to replace my keitai already. asldkfjdslfjdsjk. G900…. *dies*

4. i would inquire about those dressmaking and japanese language courses tomorrow. i swear. just as long as i wouldn’t laze around and my body wouldn’t force me to go to sleep again >.<;;.

…i really got to do something about my energy levels. something natural i should eat…? if i want to do all the things i want to do =___=;;

in my life, there had always been a few things i forever wanted to learn (or re-learn… crossed out are in the process of learning already):

• play drums
• dressmaking
• japanese (FORMAL LEARNING. verb conjugations and sentence structure wonk me out… it’s not like spanish at all =___=;;, and it’s always different in a classroom setup. i think i miss classroom setup…)
• color well using different mediums (i’ve already touched oil… i think learning this is just a matter of being courageous, actually^^;; — i shouldn’t be afraid to make mistakes and mess… and waste paper XD)
• 3D modelling and animation
• photography (the only thing i can remember about this is how great F16 is. aslkdkfdjsfslkl) 
• cinematography (it’s a poor thing we never got to play around with lighting setups during uni. those lights were so expensive, that whoever breaks them would surely pay for them the rest of their lives =___=. but not getting hands on these kind of equipment… surely makes for unskilled workers. yes.)

5. i’ve always liked typing in wordpress using Safari. feels so clean =3…

6. been trying to track my Good☆Come package all day like silly. though i know that the efficiency and speed of any foreign country’s postal service doesn’t really apply to my country =___=;;. and if the title of this magazine “Good☆Come” wasn’t so silly, i would have typed it over and over in this line instead to show how obsessed i am.

…damn, how do you type the “☆” symbol on the nets directly anyway >.<??

7. i’ve always wanted to go senmon gakko route. vocational type though, as in pure skills training. as long as possible 3-4 years of learning only, OJT included.

i had sworn to myself before, that if ever i’d go to Japan, i’d either be on vacation or study pure technical skills. or do both. nothing MUCH of that theoretical crap anymore XD.

…though my “artistic” skills had always been questionable. like… i’m not the prolific type, you know? i only draw, much less color, when i feel like it =___=. and nobody seems to like my drawings that much, ever since i was young, could only count the number of times someone at least patted me on the back for it… i couldn’t even get my own parents to even appreciate it, really^^;;  (<—but i actually have long accepted this fact, and in some way i feel that the hands that create my thoughts to reality… are quite unique in that sense then!).

and my physique, too, in Chinese personality trait-mapping, is apparently “not artistic”. roflz.

but i like expressing my thoughts. in this way. through art. though art apparently doesn’t like or favor me.

…does that make me “artistic” then? *self-conscious laugh* or trying hard… but really! i feel that stubborn! i feel like anybody should be entitled to feel artistic and develop skills! no matter if most people do not like the type of art they create… maybe because, i’m inspired by artists before who were unappreciated in their time, but after their physical existence were like lauded for centuries…

i just hope… i won’t die before i at least get to be “very appreciated”… >.^;;;

anyway, going back… but i don’t have money for senmon gakko, no place to stay, and near to zero Japanese language skills. i could only read hiragana and katakana but most of the time never know what they really mean, my calligraphy is poor (well, my writing had always been poor lolz) and recognize only a few kanji.

and somehow i’m feeling the weight of my age already *bitter laugh*. (but it’s like… i don’t feel young, but i don’t feel old as well, you know?) though i believe that age is just a number, and learning and opportunity (and jobs!) should not be limited to age (maybe this is part of why, i never think/tell my age anymore! it’s not that i’m in denial… i really just don’t like telling about it! lol!). 

but i’m stubborn. (this must be my best and my worst trait! XD!) though i don’t know how to get there, i’ll surely get there.  *determined!*

someday, i’ll get all that i want >=).

=D!:

yesterday =D! i didn’t expect it to arrive on a saturday! damn i didn’t see firsthand how DHL delivers…!

and its seller Jessica was one of the best, most communicative sellers I have ever dealt with. thank you!

now i have too many photosets *Lol*, especially of Masa and Ba-chon^^;;. and… KAZUKI ZOMG *dying of kirakira here*. when it rains, it pours, truly.

i’m not yet reading that e-mail. i’m willing to wait for another week.

and… 0__0! HMV finally had my Good✰Come 4! just when i was about to give up! and even operating on holiday! wow, they’re really serious businessmen XD!

…now, i’m only waiting for the Wild Strawberry DVD box to be released on the 24th, so that finally Crescent Shop would ship all those items to me… *rolls on the floor in agony*

mostly my ramblings right now are on my doll front, but…

1)
i’m curious about this! it says it was co-authored or something by OSAMU TEZUKA 0___0!

2)
i have discovered that i could actually be filled with just wheat bread with peanut butter spread (the with peanut bits type XD! and being “un-hungry” is a definite for my type of night-shift work (i couldn’t eat rice on night shift! i would get sleepy!). but just for variety and i didn’t want to admit that i’m getting bored of the peanut butter today i bought these. hazelnut X3…! strawberry…! looking forward *____*…!

3) and because of my type of work, i missed the schedule for my medication again. ooops @__@. it’s really hard! when at lunchtime that i’m supposed to take the medicine, i’m actually asleep! because my body has been conditioned already to be awake at night, i guess…!

4)
♥♥♥finally! once again *____*! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!

5) lulz, Hamlet 2! (Hamlet is actually my most favorite Shakespeare piece of all time! so this is… XD)

so, i work nights, and somehow i think sleep alone is not enough to keep the stress away anymore *pained smile*.

so i suddenly have this urge to push through my goals of formally learning Japanese… and dressmaking! *le gasp!* yes, dressmaking! me and my friends actually had this dream before of putting up a shop which has varied categories based on our personal styles (of course mine would be rocker-ish, dark!).

well, mostly my urge for finally learning dressmaking came from the want to sew clothes for my dolls lol. its just so expensive buying that stuff, and the styles i want are just not there or damn too expensive if they’re there. i do want to set up shop in the future, but i think it would start with silver accessories. yes, i would like to design my own silver accessories as well! (and not just for bjds! also for real people =D!)

but i have to work out my schedule =___=. i could only take classes at noon, which is the safest time i could schedule anything because even if i’m forced to go on overtime i would still have the time to get to whatever class i’d take. also, there is the issue of getting enough sleep.

i know the way i lead my life is pretty hard to understand, i’ve long accepted that… but somehow… it still affects me how people think about it, you know? *bitter laugh* you cannot remove “the outside” from what is really “within” you, no matter how zen you are about it… being so “zen”, at least for me, is almost like removing yourself from the world.

but if you want something, you really can’t remove yourself from “the world”, can you?

it’s such a dilemma *bitter laugh*. you cannot smile, but you have to. you have to live, but you should let yourself be killed a little. you have to be giving, but to keep sane you also have to survive…

how i wish life could be simpler… it seems it’s only humans who make it more complicated… it’s all about the concept of “freedom”, but in the end, to something you just view as an investment… or something… it’s something you can never give..?

…maybe i should have answered that phone call. just to get it over with *bitter laugh*

PS: i’m drunk. it’s my.. fourth glass… i think? sorry. i’m awake now. i just had my sleep. i feel a little better…!