blackbook

my Redemption the Moon arrived was fetched yesterday! but it had a defect, damn >_< (it was so worth it just looking at his faceup though… makes me want to cry with such beauty~~~!).

I’d be shipping back his body to Luts. I hope they REPLACE it, not repair it, dammit.

my parents discussed to me my future plans to go overseas. i actually admitted to my mother than if ever I’d go out, it would be either merely vacation or work-related. of course I want to go to Japan first, then Italy XD. in that order. in Japan, preferably when the cherry blossoms abound (but i didn’t tell her that). they mentioned that my aunt in Canada’s been longing to have me there… but wtf would i do in Canada??? also, it’s sooo far away~~~

and as much as appreciate that they’re offering funds if ever I go out of the country, I don’t -_-. if ever I go out i’d rather prefer it coming from my own pocket money. (i don’t really need the extra “you owe me one” either, and i don’t want to burden them further)

on other news, hm… Shirota-san has updated his blog! he still looks dorky XD (but then, my hairstyle right now seems a little dorky too…). be looking through his avatar sets and some magazines tonight… my collection’s still not complete!

fine, penalty me you b****es.

i’m not paying the November MA -_-. i’m too late anyway duh *points at calendar*

…but if they renege my flat and send lawyers at my ass, i’m really going to get mad.

damn, i really got to have a job by December and January! i don’t care if I don’t spend Xmas at my house… er… actually I do…

no doubt I could only secure the job by January… but still, my MA would be late again XD without a loan rescuing it.

and where the hell is my Redemption??  helloooo, customs????

omg Shirota Yuu~~~

he is really　おーげんきですね ^^;;～～ (and he can speak Spanish! I suddenly envy my cousin who speaks/understands Spanish >.>…)

i just noticed that i’ve been eating a lot recently.

but i’m still so thin ^^;;. that my parents actually think i’m anorexic 0_0.

if they’d look back until now, they’ll notice they’re quite thin too, duh >_>.

either it’s genetic, or it’s as my father says… all the food getting burned by mental stress.

mental stress.. hm! (Yuushi’s speaking so infectious >.>…)

i’m just… SO PISSED right now! so much i couldn’t begin to imagine…

i don’t know if people really care for me, or maybe i’m really just that dispensable…

that they’d just forget.

i know i’m aloof, not that impressionable. i’m not friendly in the most obvious sense of the term…

but i’m trying my best… i simply couldn’t be any other.

the only thing i could give, though i don’t show it, is my loyalty.

i am loyal, once i feel that someone really deserves it. i don’t just leave people, unless i really feel there’s no place for me there anymore or it’s all really too much for me.

i don’t just forget.

it’s simply just sad. such a waste.

is loyalty ever felt?

i don’t need anything back. i just want to be taken seriously.

these are just one of the times that i’m reminded that i should just stop waiting, just like before…

just one of these times that i’m tempted to just stop taking everyone seriously.

i just don’t know how anyone could even bear not take another person seriously…

it’s just one of these days that i’m reminded that i am really going my own way. in the end i am really alone. and this path i’m going on is really a lonely one i’m treading.

i know that, and i know i shouldn’t mourn about that because that’s something i’ve long realized before. but still…

i was supposed to go to a con today, but when i woke up all the people in the house are gone 0_0. which means technically they’ve left me behind to look after the house. and the one i invited to go with me still isn’t replying back to confirm if we should go.

… at any rate, i’ve lost all enthusiasm to go anyway. it’s too cloudy outside threatening to rain, i’m sleepy and hungry, it’s already too late to go anyway, most likely missed most of the events, though the organizer claims that the con will go until late night. i’m just considering now to message my friend to just call it off.

this feels like shit. i’m not even in the mood to play GW despite the event there (too many important items in inventory!) and i’m totally not in the mood to do my cv.

shit.

i would like to blame you for a ruined day.

i would like to blame you that i drank again last night.

but i know that is my own doing, that’s why i would not say anything.  yes it is my fault, because when i knew that by this time i should be used to it, i’m still not.

i would not say anything even if everything’s not alright after all.

why ask that question if the answer is not what you want to hear?

 why pressure me into being something you want? right here, right now. you didn’t listen after all.

 what is the use of my voice?

what it impresses on me, when  i hear you not listening to yourself, is that at my expense you seem to just want self-gratification…

to assure yourself that you’re not the failure you believe me to be. 

omg. Bus Gamer… animated 0_0

and it was said that Minekura-sama herself would have a hand at some of the production…

… i couldn’t imagine, naa ^_^;;~~~

(i’m actually expecting Wild Adapter, or more Araiso only with better animation and more innuendo *cough*)

…damn i really should be doing my cv…